wake up i wanna do it froggy style
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
