My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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