Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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