I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
