Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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