I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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