So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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