dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
