i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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