you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
