I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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