Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
