all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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