I heard we made out
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
