and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
