Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
