Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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