People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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