you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
