I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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