I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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