If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
