"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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