sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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