He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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