Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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