I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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