Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
