You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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