so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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