I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
