i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
