Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
