Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
