I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
