saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
