So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
