saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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