Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was born a porn star she said
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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