Porn is love you can see.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
there is glitter all over my balls
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