The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
