I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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