Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
