Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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