i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
