so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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