oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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