im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
