Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
