My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
